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Ku-less: Hai Kulture’d – Impatient Zero


Wrascally pink           

Bunny slip  


Pink Eye for the

Geek’d Hai

I apologize for the odd

format of this post and

the Half-Ku (Well, I don’t

apologize for that – this IS,

after all, a Ku-less post

where we keep our two

readers [1]informed of

all the ‘hai-larious’

shenanigans that go

on among The KuJo in the

back room of  The

Bubblegum Nightclub.

It is supposed to be Haiku

free,  so 10 syllables =


(You lucky two readers

 [2]– you!)

So why this unraveled

Mobius strip of a


I have one eye …

I woke up Sunday with

my right eye fused shut.

Apparently, I have a case

of the ‘Pink Eye’. Color

me surprised. Certainly, it

is a few notches down from

Kafka’s ‘Goodnight Moon’

where you wake up a

cockroach, but it is still

unsettling. [3] Midnight

Pixies are supposed to

bring me little candies

and keep my juice glass

filled and covers

tucked in while I sleep,

not drip infectious pus

into my eye.

Not my definition of

Sugar Pluminess.

I have to hand it to you,

Pink Eye, you are indeed

aptly named. My eye is

much like a pickled beet

sitting on the salad bar

of my face.

The thing

about childhood diseases

that shouldn’t manifest

beyond age 6 is the

nomenclature is all flash

and no substance.

Check out the ones

best left for Laura

Ingalls Wilder or

The Littlest of The

Little Women:

Scarlet Fever or

Yellow Fever.

I’m sure they nailed the

hex color digits on those

but walked  a deceptively

euphemistic line on the

‘Fever’ end

of the spectrum.

‘Oh by fever you mean –



OK .

I see.’

Did Bubonic Plague corner

the colorful Death market?

Was anything else a cheap

imitation? Leaving a 17oo’s

tri-cornered fedora sporting

Don Draper  to spin

doctor a ‘fever’ market.

Accept Ye No Olde


Plague was so 500 Falls ago!

‘Fever’ is the new ‘Black’!

I  have to hand it to you

Pink Eye – you are spot on.

My eye is pink.

10 out of 10 for accuracy,

but minus several

billion for neglecting to

recreate the whole situation.

Let’s speed

reader disclaimer this sucker.

























So here I sit with half my

face buried in a pillow that

will be burned like The

Velveteen Rabbit in about

48 hours,typing unmerrily

away. I thought I might

make do with my coolio

tinted computer shades and

the lights turned down like

a blogging Audrey Hepburn

in ‘WaitUntil A Certain Amount

of Dimness’.

No such luck.

To make matters worse –

three of us have it: myself,

‘Erudite Chick Who Is Too

Cool For This’ ,

 and Seward.

We went out Saturday

night and woke up like

pre-schoolers on carpet

swatches come the


Misery loves

company and Seward loves

misery. He takes every

illness as  a personal

conspiracy by his body politic.

He has determined that one

of us is ‘Patient Zero’ and

means to flush the culprit out

like Cotton Mather on a seaside

holiday in Salem.

Nothing makes a sick day

worse than receiving

sporadic text quotes from

Ol Johnny Carpenter’s

‘The Thing’.

‘It’s going to get a hell of a

lot worse, before it gets any


Here’s hoping tomorrow

is a brand new day. [4]



Pop Culture, Haikulture, Haiku, Entertainment, Humor, Poetry












Meta-Notoriety    (↵ returns to text)
  1. [and possibly supportive parents

    who may have figured out what

    an RSS feed is all about]

  2. [with a doubtful nod

    to technologically inept


  3. Surveys show that human-to-insect

    transmogrification trumps ‘Ewww! My eye is all goopy!!!!’

    9 times out of 10.

  4. (Perhaps one with depth

    perception – if that’s

    not asking too much.)

Hai Kulture: Coming July 2011 (ummm..endish?) -The Haiku

Hai Kulture: Coming July 2011 (ummm..endish?) -The Haiku

While ‘Tronning’ [1] the site for the Hai Kulture 2.0 reboot, I debated chucking this in the electronic scrap drawer. What’s the point of reading a post about not posting on a blog that at the time was not blog? I can’t answer that. And as we speak (well-as I type then you read …eventually…please…?) I have a huge scary WordPress tome on my lap and I feel sexy. Bottom line: I just like the ‘Tag’ about ‘The Bible as a weapon’…so it stays!


****        ****          ****


Flow – O Swift Sarcasm!

(Alas – this foul WordPress ™ book-

three-hundred page plod)


WordPress books are a drag…


I don’t mind being a creative person. I have enough years under the belt to come to terms with the inherent mood swing-set insanity, the poor clothing choices, and the need to sleep until clocks sweep into sweet double digits that come with the territory. I don’t even mind that my particular Muse decides to punch her time card well past midnight. In fact, I decided to ‘blog’ to give her a late night kiddie pool of muddy stream of consciousness run-off to splash around in while I creatively ‘don’t kiss the Morpheus.’


WordPress books just put me to sleep…


So, at least I’ll sleep well until I actually create the blog.


And that- that’s what irony is all about, Ms. Morissette.


Now, I by no means want to suggest that the two particular WordPress books I’m using are lacking, or even foul, as I poetically licensed. They are invaluable resources; technology just burns like a thousand suns.


(Ok-Beginning WordPress 3 frightens me a little. It’s like a Bible. It is Gutenberg thick and imposing – like a Bible. It could kill a small child if it fell a short distance – like a Bible. When I hold it, I feel vaguely uncomfortable – like a Bible. When I open it and try to read it, I get confused – like a Bible.)


(Honestly, I really should crack it open and put it to some use before the zombies come…)


(…like a Bible.)


Sams Teach Yourself WordPress in 10 minutes is an amazing resource. (I wouldn’t be changing font sizes, let alone writing this, without it.) It literally teaches WordPress functionality in informative 10 minute lessons.


6,000 of them.


(I’m no Mathlete, but even I should have realized anything with 200 odd pages doesn’t equate with 10 minute insta-knowledge.)


Tonight’s lesson is ‘Colors’; I am very excited!


Hopefully, I will soon be able to do something about that tree… [2] [3]


—Hai Kulture






Meta-Notoriety    (↵ returns to text)
  1. ‘Tronning’ (def) Hai’s self appointed ‘trope’ for becoming one with technology or ‘getting her tech on’. These vast feats of wizardry range from turning on an I-Phone to breaking back end code at 3am and causing a log-in shut out error loop. She also considers playing Angry Birds tronning and will kick you square in the face if you bother her.  
  2. Twenty-Ten Theme. Chopp’d.
  3. With the sincerest of thanks to Beginning WordPress 3 (Stephanie Leary) and Sams Teach Yourself WordPress in 10 Minutes (Chuck Tomasi. Kreg Steppe). They are very, very, very helpful WordPress start-up resources. Also a shout-out to WordPress 3 Complete (April Hodge Silver). It has been living in a bag by the futon for a few weeks, but looks very informative.

    (Now=Sexy) — Hai 😉 )


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