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Shark Weak: Da Fonz – Da Haiku

Garage Apartment?

Not cool! Aayyyy! Pinkie relax

They’re not MY parents!

 

 

Today at Hai Kulture, we address a hard issue and duck down some of the back alleys off Memory Lane to scratch at the sugary veneer of Candyland bliss. As a pop culture website, we are not afraid to poke at the bubblegum bubble upon which our world rests. We are not snarky elitists who just sit around drinking café purchased coffees with multiple syrups while voting on who is sporting the trendiest pair of faux glasses. [1] We are not afraid to get our hands dirty, or sticky as the case may be, and push against the boundaries of bubblegum-dom. We do so for you, we do so for the truth, and we do so with our fingertips, some convenient bits of stick, and the ear piece of some trendy faux glasses we just happened to find. [2] [3]/[4]

 

 A Hai Kulture Investigative Blog:

 

Shark Weak

The Effects of  Carcharodon carcharias Leapage on The Temperature Gradient of Non-Somatic Cool

Pop Culture Haiku Entertainment Humor Television Fonzie Jump the Shark Shark Weak

Shark Weak?

 

A standard pop culture trope is ‘Jump the Shark’: a term used to describe a moment when something that was once great has reached a point where it will now decline in quality and popularity. This phrase refers to a Season 5 episode of Happy Days where the Fonz literally jumped a shark and like a leather clad messiah took the weight of a TV nation upon his shoulders.

 

Pop Culture Haiku Television Entertainment Humor Fonzie Jump the Shark Shark Weak

Last Supper At Arnold’s

 

Above: The Fonz ironically does his version of DaVinci’s ‘Jesus Jazz Hands’ [5] the moment he trades cool for the cross of idiom.

 

The Fonz had become a gimmick. A sham. Retire the leathers and retool the show as ‘My Two Potsies’.

 

I’m here to do what Investigative Blogalists do best: point a virtual finger and scream ‘No! Wrong!!!!!!’

 

‘No! Wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

 

And you know you are – because jumping a shark is awesome!

I say – ‘JUMP THAT SHARK!!! JUMP IT NOW!!!’

Sadly, I never saw the original jump and to me that equates with missing the ‘Moon Landing’. [6] As age eight met with the early 80’s, I was a Syndication Baby. [7] / [8] My ‘Happy Days’ were five nights a week on the local UHF, brushing teeth to the closing theme, and fighting aliens with The Fonz in dreamland. For the record, I knew my Fonzie for I had ‘been groovin’ all week with him.

 

You never forget your first ‘Shark Jump’. That night. as he skied up that ramp for his umpteenth re-run, he did so only for me. That night, The Fonz took on the aliens single-handedly for I couldn’t sleep a wink. The Fonz had just defined ‘cool’.

 

‘Jumping the Shark’ doesn’t make Arthur Fonzerelli a joke. It defines him. He did exactly what he was supposed to do. The Fonz was supposed to punch jukeboxes and stop robots with a thumbs-down and a stern ‘woah’. He was supposed to stand up for the down trodden and steal Mrs. C’s cookies. This was the guy who solved mysteries and stopped the nefarious Candyman. He was a figure of myth, a god in syndication, and at a snap of his fingers it was ‘Aaaayyy! Let there be light!’ At his best, he was traveling through time in animated form [9] and at his besterest, the man jumped sharks.

 

He was the Fonz. He was cool. He jumped sharks.

 

I wore my sky blue t-shirt with the Fonzie iron-on [10]  to the playground with pride that weekend. (Actually, I wore it every weekend, but on this particular one I climbed to the top of the monkey bars for the first time.) A tribute paid in wide-eyed youthfulness to The Man Who Jumped Sharks.

 

And to this day, I don’t sport the simple yet elegant open leather jacket/single scarf look to stay warm in winter, but quite the opposite.

 

I do it to stay cool.

 

(To Be Continued)

 

—PepperJack

 

 

Meta-Notoriety    (↵ returns to text)
  1. The KuJo is DECIDEDLY split between those who drink café purchased coffees with multiple syrups and those who wear trendy faux glasses.
  2. No one wanted to get particularly sticky that day – we had places to be in the afternoon.
  3. We did collect a cash pool for someone to press their face AGAINST The Bubblegum Boundaries of Pop Culture like Number Six in a Rover. [4]

    No takers.

  4. Rover (def:) Number Two’s badass Security Weather Balloon – The Prisoner (’67-’68)
  5. DaVinci’s ‘The Last Supper’ – While the JC has tabled his Jesus Jazz Hands for the gang, he is often depicted in a low to mid jazz hands arc.
  6. How did a bunch of guys travel through a massive belt of radiation in Jiffy Pop space suits when computers were still the size of my apartment? Answer: They didn’t.
  7. Syndication Baby (def:) A child weaned on the milk of UHF and instilled with the belief that shows such as ‘Gilligan’s Island’, ‘Bewitched’, and ‘The Dick van Dyke Show’ are fresh and new – leads to ‘Love Boat Shock Syndrome’ [8]
  8. A post traumatic stress disorder common in Sydication Babies. The shock brought on by seeing a re-runned television star suddenly age 20 years from that afternoon’s vintage show to guesting on that week’s ‘Love Boat’. First Lido Deck Appearances can lead to confusion and hiding under afghans.
  9. The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang was an animated saturday morning program in which The Fonz travelled through time having adventures narrated by Wolfman Jack. Just thinking about it makes me shiver with joy.
  10. The Fonzie Iron On: Me. The Sky Blue Chest Palette: My Mother. ‘You look good in blue. It brings out you eyes’ A retro thank you to the boardwalk t-shirt kid who didn’t laugh at a beleagured 8 year old.

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