Ku-less: Hai Kulture’d – Impatient Zero

Posted by Hai Kulture on Oct 18, 2011 in Hai Kulture'd, Ku-less | 1 comment

Conjunctiv    

Wrascally pink           

Bunny slip  

  

Pink Eye for the

Geek’d Hai

I apologize for the odd

format of this post and

the Half-Ku (Well, I don’t

apologize for that – this IS,

after all, a Ku-less post

where we keep our two

readers [1]informed of

all the ‘hai-larious’

shenanigans that go

on among The KuJo in the

back room of  The

Bubblegum Nightclub.

It is supposed to be Haiku

free,  so 10 syllables =

bonus!)

(You lucky two readers

 [2]- you!)

So why this unraveled

Mobius strip of a

post?

I have one eye …

I woke up Sunday with

my right eye fused shut.

Apparently, I have a case

of the ‘Pink Eye’. Color

me surprised. Certainly, it

is a few notches down from

Kafka’s ‘Goodnight Moon’

where you wake up a

cockroach, but it is still

unsettling. [3] Midnight

Pixies are supposed to

bring me little candies

and keep my juice glass

filled and covers

tucked in while I sleep,

not drip infectious pus

into my eye.

Not my definition of

Sugar Pluminess.

I have to hand it to you,

Pink Eye, you are indeed

aptly named. My eye is

much like a pickled beet

sitting on the salad bar

of my face.

The thing

about childhood diseases

that shouldn’t manifest

beyond age 6 is the

nomenclature is all flash

and no substance.

Check out the ones

best left for Laura

Ingalls Wilder or

The Littlest of The

Little Women:

Scarlet Fever or

Yellow Fever.

I’m sure they nailed the

hex color digits on those

but walked  a deceptively

euphemistic line on the

‘Fever’ end

of the spectrum.

‘Oh by fever you mean -

ummmm-

Death.

OK .

I see.’

Did Bubonic Plague corner

the colorful Death market?

Was anything else a cheap

imitation? Leaving a 17oo’s

tri-cornered fedora sporting

Don Draper  to spin

doctor a ‘fever’ market.

Accept Ye No Olde

Subsitutees!

Plague was so 500 Falls ago!

‘Fever’ is the new ‘Black’!

I  have to hand it to you

Pink Eye – you are spot on.

My eye is pink.

10 out of 10 for accuracy,

but minus several

billion for neglecting to

recreate the whole situation.

Let’s speed

reader disclaimer this sucker.

Pink-eye-true-but-also-

sticking-together-every-

five-seconds-while-it-

weeps-like-a-bit-of-

Virginal-statuary-in-

an-off-the-map-Mexican-

town-and-feeling-like-you

-were-socked-about-the-

face-mostly-in-the-

region-of-the-eye-with-

a-bit-of-stick-like-a-

celebratory-Pinata-in-the

-town-square-of-said-

quaint-remote-Mexican-

town-upon-discovery-

of-Blessed-weepage-in-

general-and-a-red-hot-

large-gauge-knitting-

needle-fresh-and-wooly-

from-a-half-finished-over-

sized-Christmas-sweater-

from-Nana-Kulture-in-the-

iris-come-direct-

light.

So here I sit with half my

face buried in a pillow that

will be burned like The

Velveteen Rabbit in about

48 hours,typing unmerrily

away. I thought I might

make do with my coolio

tinted computer shades and

the lights turned down like

a blogging Audrey Hepburn

in ‘WaitUntil A Certain Amount

of Dimness’.

No such luck.

To make matters worse -

three of us have it: myself,

‘Erudite Chick Who Is Too

Cool For This’ ,

 and Seward.

We went out Saturday

night and woke up like

pre-schoolers on carpet

swatches come the

morrow.

Misery loves

company and Seward loves

misery. He takes every

illness as  a personal

conspiracy by his body politic.

He has determined that one

of us is ‘Patient Zero’ and

means to flush the culprit out

like Cotton Mather on a seaside

holiday in Salem.

Nothing makes a sick day

worse than receiving

sporadic text quotes from

Ol Johnny Carpenter’s

‘The Thing’.

‘It’s going to get a hell of a

lot worse, before it gets any

better!’

Here’s hoping tomorrow

is a brand new day. [4]

Contagiously,

—Hai