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F.A.Ku.

So you are thinking:

“…the hell?” Now – Virgil and our

Divine Comedy

 

 

Welcome to the Hai Kulture F.A.Ku.!

 

Ummm…you know what that sort of sounds like, right?

 

Well aware…

 

 Ok-so I somehow found (most likely stumbled) upon your website. What gives?

 

Hai Kulture is a pop culture themed poetry and essay website.

Hai Kulture delivers short attention span poetry and self-referential meta meta-ing essays to the discerning reader. Hai Kulture strives to recycle 100% of disposable memories, repave Memory Lane with good intentions, and revere and skewer those fleeting sacred cows of yesteryear and today in 17 syllables. Hai Kulture is the voice of the Generation ‘eXY’ [1] set and seeks to explore important issues in geek love, Boba Fett pillowcases, Cabbage Patch abandonment issues, and the secrets of The Fonzathon Equilibrium Principle.

It’s just good clean ‘pretentious’ blogging fun!

 

WHAT THE…?

 

Ok, fine. We write little topical haikus (the short attention span poetry bits) and connect them to snarky essays (the meta writery bits) about pop culture topics.

 

Oh-I have a very short attention span and love sarcasm…

 

Well-you clicked on the right Interwebby linky thing then!

 

What else do you have for me?

 

We have Ku-less posts which are just little bits and bobs we feel like saying ‘Haiku free’. (Think of them as Facebookery posts that we own and don’t want Fake Michael Cera getting his mitts on.) [2]We will be holding ‘Ku-k offs’: reader based haiku contests and sponsoring Hai-lidays on Facebook. This is just a few of the ideas we have been kicking around.

 

By Jiminy! That sounds grand!

 

Ummm…thanks. I think.

 

So who is this ‘we’ of Hai Kulture?

 

The collective authors of the website or The Ku Dojo. The royal ‘we’ like to refer to themselves as The Kujo. Check the Ku-tributors page.

 

So just a few more things: what’s with all the footnotes?

 

We just found the idea of footnotes (more of the meta meta-ing bits) funny. [3] We strive to say quite a bit about nothing at all. They are just bits of nonsense ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous.

 

Some of your ‘tags’ are crazy insane and make no sense. That’s unprofessional blogging! Good day, Sir!

 

We have read the manuals on proper tagging etiquette. Isn’t that just more of a pop culture trend to comment on? We have made it a Hai Concept to include a smattering of bizarre tags on each post. We like to think of them as Easter Eggs. (Sure they might screw up SEO, but how many hits are we really going to get anyway?)

Aside from dear sweet you that is!

We love you!

 

Awwww. Thanks.

Back to my confusion and criticism: pink and black? Your color scheme and theme design is god awful!

Well, we are still jigsawing together the back-end of this site. We like the pink and black, as it reflects a tawdry hipster Candyland – a Bubblegum Nightclub. Think of it as those bright licorice sandwich candies your grandmother used to keep in a bowl on the television. Sure they tasted like an old burnt shoe, but you would steal one every visit, hoping it tasted better this time.

Pavlovian Learning Principles and The Layman’s Conditioned Stimuli have nothing on you! We hope you keep coming back, no matter how much like an old burnt shoe we taste. [4]

Also, in terms of design, we have made it a Hai Concept to never be ‘quite polished’. Our website will be tacky, our photoshopping will be inadequate, and our blogging tech will never be quite saavy. We would like to say that it shows we are too cool for school. We would like to say that it is because we want the focus to be on the writing and the textual shenanigans. We would like to say all that – but in reality it’s just this: things really worked out well for those cats speaking like a head-trauma Yoda [5] and look how crap that joint is. Hi Balcony Face!!!!!

.

 

Can I please go now ?

Huh?

Oh yeah. Hit the road…

Meta-Notoriety    (↵ returns to text)
  1.  GEN-eXY (def) Those fence straddlers between the wrong side of  twenty-five and the right side of forty-five. Us.  We Think GEN-eXY is SeXY!  (Did we just coin that?) [Thank you Circular 66-United States Copyright Office]
  2. Our nickname for Mark Zuckerberg of FaceSpace™ who says he owns everything in the whole world. (We don’t like him much.) [SEE Circular 66 ABOVE] Jesse Eisenberg (We like him) played Zucks in The Social Network. JESSE EISENBERG IS FAKE MICHAEL CERA. It all makes sense at 2am.
  3. This one isn’t funny. Sorry.
  4. We don’t think you are like that at all. You may never even have tried those candies. One of our writers at The Kujo said he used to do that all the time. We laughed at him. He then said his first girlfriend’s prom dress was pink and black and lay fetal for awhile and cried quietly. That was kind of awkward.
  5. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT!

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